Instrument of torture winner!!

Remember my little, silly, meaningless “quiz” from the other day?

Well, the response to my quiz was absolutely overwhelming!!  It took me days, I tell you, days to count the entrants and weed out the incorrect guesses.  I actually had to call on my youngest hooligan to help me with the sorting and adding and subtracting….

So, without further ado, here are the results to my first-ever quiz/contest:

I had a whopping SIX, count ’em, SIX folks who were brave enough to take a guess as to what that thing was/is! 

Unfortunately, one guess was incorrect (sorry, Kris!).  Although, her response won points for her sense of humor. 

Two entrants were disqualified.  My sister-in-law knew the answer because, as she mentioned, she was there when the pictured item being was used. 

The other disqualified contestant was my mother.  Two reasons: she didn’t actually leave an answer in her comment, just a statement that she, too, owned a kitchen tool similar to my mother-in-law’s, and, two, because she’s my mother.  Family members are automatically disqualified from winning.  (Sorry Mom!)  She and my sister-in-law obviously did not read the fine print when entering the contest.

So, that left me with THREE correct answers! 

Heather, Chriss, and Carlybee were correct when they answered: a can opener.  (ThrillCam wanted to cheat and just give the prize to Carlybee because of her reference to Dublin Dr. Peppers, by the way!  I swatted his bottom and chided him with “Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater!”  Then I sent him to his room.)

My mother-in-law’s electric can opener was not working properly, so she opened a kitchen drawer and pulled out that crazy, scary-looking object.  She set it on the counter and said to me, “Try this.” 

I had absolutely no idea what it was or how to use it!  She then said, “Move over, Whippersnapper and watch a pro.”  (Or something along those lines, I’m sure.)  After she schooled me in the proper way to open a can, we called my oldest hooligan into the kitchen.  We wanted him to finish the job for us.  We spanked him and yelled, “Get crackin’ Boy!!”  I yelled, “Use those muscles you’ve built up using your high school’s expensive weights that my good tax dollars have paid for!!”  He immediately said, “Yes, Ma’am,” and started opening cans.  I yelled, “Hurry up!!  Your mama needs some Baked Beans, and she needs them NOW!” 

My big, strapping boy opened those cans in a flash and Nana made some yummy Baked Beans for dinner.  The end.  (Such a heart-warming story.)

No….not really.   

Okay…enough of that dribble.  I guess you want to know who the winner is.  

First, though, let me show you the very advanced and technical process used in choosing the winner:

Step One:  Collect names of entrants with correct names.

Step Two:  Separate names.

Step Three:  Place names in odd rooster receptacle.

(I told you this was highly advanced and technical!)

Step Four:  Have a disinterested party (i.e. your oldest child who is sitting idly by, watching ESPN and eating Nacho Cheese Doritos) do the official counting and drawing of winning name–you can rest assured there was no cheating going on here; he could have cared less who won.)  Ignore exasperated sighs and groans by said disinterested party.

Step Five:  Have annoyed and disinterested child pose numerous times while holding bizarre rooster bowl with names in it.  Draw winning name.  (I love my rooster bowl, even if no one else does.)

Step Six:  Announce winner!!

And the winner is…



Heather, since I know where you live (wink, wink) I will personally bring your prize to you.  What’s your prize, you ask?  Well, because the kitchen tool I referenced was so simple and backwoods-like, and because I am just enough red-neck, your prize will be a $10 GIFT CARD FROM WALMART!!!!  Woohoooo!!!!  (Yours will not be covered in dust and dog hair, though.  I promise.)

Alright, simmer down now.

Thanks to everyone, all six of you, who participated!!  I’ll have another contest coming up in the very near future, so stay tuned kids!

Find someone who needs a hug and give it to ’em!





  1. Heather

    That is too funny! Thank you so much. I would like to thank my mother who had a similar instrument of torture in her house while I was growing up!
    Seriously, do me a favor with my grand prize… donate it to a needy family! 🙂

    • Elizabeth Simmons

      That cracks me up that you are thanking your mother in your acceptance speech! I’ll run your prize over to you tomorrow!

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