And, now for something completely different…

Since I was in high school and the advent of the video camera (in my family), my mother and I have always taken pictures of hotel rooms and their adjoining bathrooms.  You can look back at any of my family’s home videos and see 20-30 seconds of an HGTV-like preview of each hotel room and its water closet.

I have continued that practice into my adult years, but tend to use my DSLR, rather than a video camera.  (My mother still opts for the video camera on her travels.)

Things are a little different now that I have my own family, including teenaged sons.  I have to work a little harder to get the hotel shots.  This is how it usually plays itself out, these days:

Me: “Boys!  Wait!  Please pick up your shoes!  Put them back on!!  Now!  And, don’t sit on the beds, yet!”

Them: “Why??” (as they do an X Games-worthy double-backflip-swan-dive onto the beds)

Me: “Because!  Wait!! Put the comforter back in place!  And, puhleeeeze don’t stick your stinky, filthy, dirty socks into my side of the bed!!  I have to sleep there later tonight.”

Them: “We’re not!  We just want to watch ESPN!” (At this point, it is quite possible my youngest has already stripped down to his skivvies in order to get comfortable and warm under the big white comforter.  …He’s not shy about making himself at home.)

Me: “Noooo!  I have to take a picture of the room before you mess it all up!  Move it!”

Them: “Mom. Really??  Don’t you already have enough pictures of pillows and beds and toilets already?”  (spoken as they grab the remote control, throw the comforter and all the extra pillows completely off the bed, and slide their stinky, nasty, filthy, dirty–did I say stinky?–socked feet under the sheets on my side of the bed)

Me: “I mean it!  Now get up and fix that bed…or else!” (I then turn to look directly at ThrillCam, who is desperately trying to stay out of it all by pretending to be consumed by the zipper on the suitcase.)

ThrillCam: (He catches my eye, sighs, and the says in a booming voice that gets everyone’s attention:) “Boys.  Now.  Do as your mother asked.  Please, I beg of you.  Make our lives much less complicated by just letting her take the hotel room pictures like she does every-single-time-we-stay-in-a-hotel-room….”

Me:  “Thanks.  I think.”

This, or some similar scenario, happens every-single-time-we-stay-in-a-hotel-room.

So, fast-forward to our trip to Jordan.  The boys did not join us on our foreign trek, so thankfully, I was able to (for the most part) take photos of our hotel rooms in relative peace and quiet.  ThrillCam would know to leave our suitcases by the door and move to the corner of the room and patiently wait until I was done.

He’s a good man, that guy.

This particular hotel (Intercontinental Hotels and Resorts, Aqaba) was located on the shore of the Red Sea, in Aqaba.  It was very contemporary and sh-wanky, and it also had something every hotel we visited in Jordan had: a bidet.

A bidet is a common site in most European hotels, as well.  But, they are not terribly common in American hotels.  So, I must be very honest and say, I’ve never partaken of one.

Do you partake of a bidet?

Participate with?

Give a whirl?

Have a go at?

Try one on for size?

What exactly do you do on, or in, a bidet?

It was a true conundrum for me.

(I have a very distant relative who has put one in every house she’s built.  She loves her bidets!  She swears they are great for hemorrhoids.  …But I digress.)

I had all the chances in the world to try one out while in Jordan, but I was never brave enough to take the plunge.  ThrillCam would never have known, except for the fact that I probably would have fallen in and gotten myself stuck.  And, if I had fallen in and gotten stuck, I would have been forced to call for help and he would have had to walk in to see me stuck in the bidet.

How does one’s marriage continue after a vision such as that?  I’m just not convinced ThrillCam would ever be able to look me in the eye again.

I can’t imagine the damage I could have caused by attempting to try out the bidet.  So I didn’t.

The end.

Goodbye.

Okay…I lie.

You see, Aqaba was fairly late in our itinerary, which meant by the time we got there, things were getting, shall we say, grungy and smelly?

So, I decided to give the bidet a shot.

I figured I could freshen things up a bit, if you will.

And, to my great surprise, it worked!

I am here to tell you, bidets are not only helpful in cleansing your delicates, they’re great for your hand-washables, too….

You can send that one to Hints from Heloise, or to the travel guru Rick Steves, if you’d like.  I don’t mind.

E.

P.S. I was talking to my mother about this post.  Apparently, one of my grandmothers was almost as ingenious as I.  She would sit on the side of the bidet and wash her feet.

Obviously, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

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