Grandma’s Secret

If you’ve read this silly blog for very long, then you’ve become acquainted with my grandmother, who passed away in 2010.  She was a mess, but I loved her.

So, recently, I was looking through some old photos and I stumbled upon these…

This was my grandmother; she was almost 91 when she died.

While visiting her over the Thanksgiving holidays one year, we discovered upon a dark secret about this woman….

She opened a drawer and pulled out some items that she wanted to give to us.  In the process, we found some unusual things that led us to think my dear old granny was leading a double life.

Check out this little pretty:

You tell me, what 90-year-old woman, living in a nursing home, needs an item such as this??!

I don’t even have one of those!  And, I’m not even close to being 90!

You can imagine the EXTREME embarrassment of my two sons at the very open display of a woman’s skivvies…add to it the very thought that our grandmother was sporting such finery.

I’m not here to judge, but I found it a little unusual that a woman in her NINETIES would even need a red, lacy bra…especially in the nursing home.

I’m just sayin’.

After much discussion, hand-wringing, and interrogation, we found out the truth from my grandmother.

The bra wasn’t even hers.  It belonged to her former roommate, Alice, who had been moved to another room.

Honest mistake, right?  My grandmother’s roommate moved and forgot an item or two, no?

No.  Not the case.

My grandmother, bless her heart, had sticky fingers.   She was a klepto.

She was.

We’d find things in her room, all the time, that didn’t belong to her.

She was practicing recycling, I believe.

In fact, one time, the nursing home caught her taking potted plants and flowers out of other patients’ rooms and taking them to completely different patients, saying something along the lines of, “Look what I got for you!”

She was, after all, making some folks quite happy, which is a good thing, yes?

A regular Robin Hood.

The red, lacy bra, though, had to have been the most shocking find…

So, the question begs to be asked:

Why?

Why, Grandmother, do you have such big eyes and such sticky fingers?

And, why, Grandmother, do you need such titillating underthings?

And why, Grandmother, would you even take another woman’s bra from her, in the first place?

And to WHERE, Grandmother, would either of the two of you wear such fancy lingerie?

Suddenly, an image of either one of those two women scooting along with their walkers, pulling their oxygen tanks, entering BINGO night with a little extra swagger, robes unbuttoned one button lower than usual, the red lacy bra just barely peeking out, BINGO game faces on….

This is not something that helps me sleep at night.

But, I guess the take-home value, for me, is, I hope that when I’m 90 I’ll be brave enough to ditch the 18-Hour and opt for the red lacy version.

Hopefully, though, it will be my own and not someone elses.

E.

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3 comments

  1. sherri hardesty flowers

    that story was too funny–I think I can see that little old lady wearing that though–she sounds like a hoot–loved it

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